i'll be leaving jakarta again in four days. no, im not going to go to sydney, or some luxurious places, im going to go to logantung, a remote village in centre of java. you cant even find that place in your map, your gps, or even your google earth. hahah.. it's kind of place where you have to walk till your legs bruised just to get some effing water. and when you are on your way back, the water has spilt along the way and nothing is remained. it's kind of place where you have to go across bushes and tall trees and stuffs to reach a toilet. we technically cant call it toilet, though. it doesnt have door and roof. it's just a hole in the ground for you to put your shit. and if you re not a good shooter, your shit might be sprawling around. disgusting. eww. poor you. ohh, poor me!
dont forget my birthday is on first of sept. holyshiiiiit! i dont think havin birthday with strangers in some uncool place where all you can do is pushing a cow is a good idea. it's not something i imagine doing in my birthday.
and my little slut, my bff, my other half, my beste cheesecake, my pal for life is leaving for seattle on 4th of sept, which means i cant take her to the airport and do some -goodbye mate, i will miss you like hell, take care and dont get pregnant there- kind of thing. im supeeeeerrrrrr saaaaddddd :(( and now i vaguely avoid her. this is how my body and mind give respond to seperation. i know it's so childish, and immature, and fucking cruel.
i just hope by doing this, i can handle goodbye. and i can pretend not to feel like my heart is torn apart when the time comes. it's my all-time silly theory, i know. i do this all for good. amen.
Labels: sadddiiee
lies that lie between us.
so here i am, working my ass on final year of my high school.
and gossiping.
and being so mean to her.
oh dear, poor you. it's like we are all trapped in some circumtances we dont even understand. for me, personally, it's not bothering me the way you act like shit. oops, did i just write shit? lol.. you can be whatever you wanna be. im totally fine with that. i got used to it since our first met in junior high school anyway. geeezzz, im sick of you since god knows when. the way you judge me, the way you brag about your boys, the way you reluctantly hear my arguments.. rarrr i ve had enough~
i know now you know that we re all know that we re going to fall apart.
i miss'em effing much
first time i stepped my feet in sydney international airport, i secretly whispered,
"gosh. im alone. could i just turn my shoulder, get in the plane again, and fly back to jakarta?"
it would cost me lots of money :( so i decided to keep walking.
first week in sydney, i felt like i was a total stranger. an outsider. i trembled as the wind stroke my face when i was waiting for the train. and when i looked around, i saw couples of scarily skinny high-school girls wore their netball uniforms, t-shirt and shortpants. were not trembled at all. geez. i wouldnt let you know how many scarfs i was wearing! hello, it was winter, darling.
i completely missed my hometown. my local language. my beloved ones. my indigenous food.
second week in sydney, i got better and better. i spent my time frowning and listening carefully to what my japanesse friend said. it seemed like we studied diffrent kind of english. lol :P i went to classes, slept during lectures, gossiped with mexican guy i liked, and ate tons of hungry jacks :D
on my third week, i was in love with sydney. i didnt get lost anymore yeeehaww. i was able to take the right train :) speaking english wasnt my problem anymore.. i often went out alone and got home without even nagging my hostparents to pick me up on the train station.
just in time when i stopped complaining about the food there and refused to leave sydney, i had to go back to indonesia. how cruel life was :'(
i miss them. as fuck.
i miss the time when i was alone waiting for the train. freezing in the cold night. walking 25mins long from home to the station. criticizing fabrizio who was extremely aggravating. eating pancakes with barrenjoey classmates when we went on colony tour. taking too much dorritos and noodles and skittles in woolworths. went to townhall and paddys. matchmaking grace and jefry with luis. had a chat with pony. spent all night long cooking noodles with erin. smelling ali's cuppycake bodyspray. buying applepies. playing badminton at 9pm with andrew and nearly killed myself bcos it was fucking cold. splashed the cash on george st. having porkribs in bondi. got stuck with grammar and stuff during class. and etc etc etc.
i hugged my classmates, didnt want to release them :(
i waved goodbye to erin and pony when they took me to the airport.
i turned my back, headed forward, then cried.
i did cry when they couldnt see me anymore.
i kept crying..
checked in.. walked on the path.. pulled my luggage.. queued to get in the plane..
i kept crying..
sat on the plane.. listened to the instruction.. got my hot towel from SQ.. read goodbye texts from my pals.. wondered what they re doing right now..
i couldnt stop crying.
then, the filght attendant noticed my tears and asked me,
"are you okay, miss? is there anything i can do to make you feel better?"
...
"yeah of course! so much things you can do. find me an accomodation and give me some more money so i can extend in sydney. tell my parents to tolerate me.. and last one, book me a flight back to indonesia nxt month.. thankyouu"
of course i said it only in my heart.
Labels: goodbye, sydney
